72/100 aka 212/365

ALONE
Word Count: 335

The man sitting alone at the table is clearly uncomfortable. He looks around, takes a sip of his coffee, puts the cup down, realigns the spoon with the saucer, picks up the cup, looks around.

He is beyond middle-aged, around sixty, just the brush of grey in his dark hair. His hair is about two weeks past needing a haircut. No one to nag him to go get it cut. His long-sleeved blue shirt is crisp, even though it is a touch of September in June. His pants are thin-wale corduroy, bound to add to his discomfort. He probably doesn’t know where she’d kept the out of season clothes and is living months past her on his own.

His children, if he has had them, all live out of town. Likely past college with wives and jobs in the cities. They call now and then; his daughter calls every Sunday before noon. He tells her he’s doing all right.

He has no place to be and he’s just starting to get out of the house more. He does go to the usual places they’d go together, the grocery store, the bank, the diner for dinner one night a week. But not on Fridays, not any more. It’s too hard to see the same people all there except her. He goes on Thursdays and thinks to himself that she would have liked the meatloaf that is the day’s special.

And this is the first time he’s gone there for breakfast, though all he would order was coffee and sound. He’d look up at every burst of laughter, every greeting across booths, every table cleaned with a clinking of dishes and cups. He raises his coffee to within inches of his lips, holds it in both hands, looks around.

A woman brushes by him, nudges his back with her hip. She apologizes, though he isn’t damaged, at least not by this. He nods, says he’s fine, looks up and without realizing he’s doing it, smiles.

Posted in 100 Days 2011, Mainstream | Tagged | 4 Comments

071/100 aka 211/365

PIECES
Word Count: 250

I found one in the pocket of your denim shirt. The one you used to wear on Saturdays, flung on over just your tee shirt, relaxing on the porch. Writing sometimes, reading a book sometimes. Sometimes fast asleep.

Another in the top drawer of your dresser amongst your socks stacked up in rows and layers of color so that in dim morning light it wasn’t hard to pick out what you wanted.

Pieces of your heart are everywhere. I wondered why, after I’d gone through all your things there were some missing. It made me think that there were things about you I never knew. Women, maybe? Women you told me held no more than a cell of memory in your mind. I wondered if they held some pieces of your heart.

But then I found one in the Italian restaurant where we always went for pizza with the kids. And when I started looking I found more.

One was in your guitar case up in your boyhood bedroom at your mom’s. I found one under an old maple tree in their front yard. Each child of ours held a larger piece than any I had found so far and in our bedroom, in our bed, I found the biggest piece of all.

Finally there came a day when it was all together, all complete and whole. I reached inside the wound you left and raised it carefully behind my ribs and tucked it into place where mine had died.

Posted in 100 Days 2011, Magical Realism | Tagged | 2 Comments

070/100 aka 210/365

CLOUDS
Word Count: 285

Puffs of clouds animate the blue blue sky. There is a bear chasing a ball, or maybe it’s a witch’s head. They spread as they drift towards me overhead. A mass becomes the four furies and they disappear. Then a lion’s head that wears a hair bow in its mane. What does that mean?

I’m looking for you. It’s religiously ingrained, I suppose, to look above.

Hollow feeling. Nearly disemboweled. You’ve left a tapeworm that eats away my insides bite by bite. I have no appetite to feed it. My skin shrivels to my bones because your touch alone brought it to life. My hands hang useless, strength unwrapped and lost somewhere. My eyes are all that’s left to see with any clarity. A curse.

There is no suddenness that can measure more than that of someone leaving. Someone dying. Gone is more than just away. There is no hotel room I can imagine where you are sleeping, reaching out for me because in sleep there is no consciousness of time and space. No restaurant I can picture where you take your meals, leaving crusts of bread that I would pick and finish. There is no rain I’ll listen to when you say that it is raining there. There is no sound, no rain.

You used to laugh and say that when a cloud passed overhead, I should know it passed above you too. You used to say you’d call each night you were away.

I can’t help listening for the phone to ring before I clutch your pillow to my breast and fade into a night where maybe you’ll come back in dreams. I can’t help watching bears and lions march across the sky.

Posted in 100 Days 2011, Psychological Realism | Tagged | 2 Comments

069/100 aka 209/365

GOLDEN EARRINGS
Word Count: 346

I have at least one out of every pair of earrings I’ve ever owned since my ears were pierced at age ten and that includes the cheap one I hid in the bed of a lover I suspected of cheating. Honestly, it’s worse than socks that jump ship between washer and dryer.

This last pair was special, given to me by my husband for our fifth anniversary. He’s not the type to get mad or even so much as tsk! at me when I lose something. He’s a seer of silver linings. It saves him from trying to guess what to get me next birthday, Christmas, or anniversary. I’ve come to expect replacement gifting.

There are stories to each loss that bring up good memories and bad. There were times when I’ve no idea at all when or where I lost something, and there are times I remember it well. There are times like today, when I’ve been all over the house vacuuming and doing laundry and weeding all around the house and the gardens. Still, I emptied the vacuum bag, checked the laundry and crawled around my yard on hands and knees like a dog on a scent. I no longer bother with the metal detector; it beeps constantly as if our home were built over a junkyard. My husband does get mad when I dig hundreds of holes in the lawn.

He comes home, asks me what’s the matter, and I tell him. He smiles and hugs me close so I feel the thump of his heart between my breasts. I don’t want to be forgiven so easily–how will I learn to be careful–yet this is our way, our symbiotic routine we’ve established to handle lost earrings.

The new earrings are a little bit bigger, a little bit more oval than round. My husband’s a wonderfully lovable man. I swear to myself that I’ll be much more careful.

Oh, and the earring I left in the bed of a past lover was found, I suspect, but it was never returned to me.

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068/100 aka 208/365

FREEWRITING FOOD
Word Count: 214

Sitting outside eating a bowl of kidneys watching the young twin deer I’ve seen five times today and I look up at the clouds and see Norm Peterson. Gotta say that I’d’ve preferred Magnum, P.I or Sam.

Beef kidneys are one of my favorite things and I make them in gravy served over torn-up toasted rye bread. I used to use mashed potatoes but since I only make them when my boyfriend’s away I gear down on the fancy meals. Another of my faves when he goes away is linguini with white clam sauce only I add mushrooms and artichoke hearts and escargot. He calls them snails. And tacos because they’re so messy and oh yes, fried shrimp. Now he does like fried shrimp, but he eats so few and I eat so many that I’d rather pig out alone.

Alone. Now that’s a strange word. It seems to mean lonely yet sometimes it can mean freedom. Freedom is strange in itself; its opposite could be as intensely restraining as shackled. Its societal opposite is oppression. Restriction, behavior, lawful, normal, expected.

Alone and freedom. Twists of the mind and time. Today, alone and freedom gloriously mean I can sit here eating a bowl of beef kidneys and talk with Norm Peterson about words.

Posted in 100 Days 2011, Psychological Realism | Tagged | 2 Comments

67/100 aka 207/365

THE LITTLE BLACK DRESS
Word Count: 360

The little black dress was bought for her first college dance. Mini-skirt short, rolling into and over the lush curves of her hips. Seductively low at the neck and thin little cap sleeves. It took her to bars and to weddings of friends and to upper crust parties in the city.

After she married it hung in the back of the closet. Too short, too low-cut, too tight now, she knew, but her heart couldn’t throw it away. She thought of it once for an occasion that required her to “doll up” as her husband had said. He bought her a strand of pearls. She shopped and zipped up and zipped down and stepped in and out of a few dozen dresses or more. One hugged her the moment she pulled it over her head. In the dressing room mirror she smiled. Ran her hands down the soft sides of her body. Breathed in the comfort and style of its shape as it held her in its caress.

That second black dress went through many good times in her life. Her husband got jealous one holiday dinner when his good friend put his arm around her waist, held it there a bit longer than good taste, he thought. Yet he couldn’t deny she looked dazzling, not really seeing what it was that she wore.

The children grew up and scattered like raindrops falling on cities in all outward directions. Home was still centered in the heartland and she rarely went out to dress-up affairs anymore. Jeans and a plaid flannel shirt were her everyday shell.

Then he got sick and she didn’t care what she looked like. Didn’t care what she wore. Often she slept on hospital couches in whatever she’d rushed to put on the day before. She lost weight and punched two more holes in her belt. Within months she weighed what she had back in college.

No fun in shopping. Shoes she had found, a handbag was borrowed. Her hand skimmed over the racks lightly, as if something would break. Then she stopped, pulled out the hanger and stared at the little black dress.

Posted in 100 Days 2011, Women's Issues | Tagged | 2 Comments

066/100 aka 206/365

QUIET
Word Count: 314

Damn but it’s quiet and you’ve barely gone up the road to the corner. Why is it so quiet? I’ve been alone in our house before. You’ve kissed me goodbye and walked out the door hundreds of times over the years but never before have you left such a silence to fill up the space in your stead.

Did you know that I nearly ran after you as you drove up the street? Did you feel the tug of my need? Did the gears shift more slowly, stick in the process before they led you away.

By morning I’m bruised with bumping into the thick emptiness that just won’t blow away, out the windows I’ve opened to their fullest, the doors, even the screens opened wide. It thickens like flour into gravy and fills my mouth with its burnt lonely taste.

Now you are here, now there, I’ve imagined your journey in miles you’re physically separated from me. In the night, I follow blue ribbons you’re trailing, always pulled just out of my reach. In the morning, I wake up holding your pillow, my body in the the curves of the mattress on your side of the bed.

The TV, the traffic, the birds and chittering chipmunks, the clomp-clomp of joggers, the whirring of bikes all try to cut through the silence which by now, has seeped out into a cloud that bundles our house. Planes fly overhead as if pulled by a string. The phone blinks and shivers but I’ve not heard it ring. The silence, the silence is all.

Day by day it goes on, grows to include uptown and down by the river. The car radio plays favorite songs I can’t hear. The dense air is keeping the wind from the leaves, the sun from hitting the ground.

Then, just as expected, you’re back and the silence fades into sound.

Posted in 100 Days 2011, Psychological Realism | Tagged | 2 Comments

065/100 aka 205/365

PERSPECTIVE OF COLOR
Word Count: 325

They could have been friends, the lady who liked blue and the one whose favorite color was yellow. They had a lot in common, a husband, two children, a love of gardening and a similar crush on George Clooney and Johnny Depp. But the perspectives of each were colored by their individual experience. Some thought it went back so far as their nursery walls and mobile tinkling above their tiny white cribs.

“What a beautifully perfect day,” said the lady who liked blue, smiling into the pale dusk of an early sun setting into clouds just hovering on the horizon.

Across town watching the clouds swallowing up the summer sun nearly an hour earlier than its proper setting into the hills was the lady who liked yellow. She made a sour face and snuggled into a shawl grumbling of the cool wind.

Lady Blue had a sweet tooth and when offered a lemonade at the outdoor cafe, pursed her lips, wrinkled her nose, shook her head after one sip. She opened three sugar packets set out for coffee or tea and poured the sweet crystals into her drink. She took a sip, then added three more.

Her counterpart, Lady Yellow, too had ordered the lemonade. She gritted her teeth and promptly asked for more lemon.

Election day in their small town was the event that marked months of heated debate and defiance. Name-calling, mud-slinging, lies, counter-lies and all the necessary denials came down to a town evenly split in half. While one half wondered aloud about the obvious lack of intelligent foresight in the other, the other half did exactly the same. It never really mattered who won in the end, as everyone just rested a while and prepared itself for the next go-round.

The lady whose preference was yellow claimed that politics was not for the honest believer. The lady who would clearly choose blue, believed the very same thing.

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064/100 aka 204/365

EYES
Word Count: 82

With eyes like dinnerplate dahlias, years of all ever seen being petaled in layers, we find ourselves unable to close them. To rest.

Eyes dull as moons. Craters of hurt in the pupils, rings of time in blue, lavender, green starred with brown.

Eyes once dripping smiles and welcoming, once crinkled with sunshine, once wide open gates,

Eyes now of dinnerplate dahlias, years petaled by pain and unable to close. Unable to keep out any more. Unwanting to take any more in.

Posted in 100 Days 2011, Psychological Realism | Tagged | 5 Comments

063/100 aka 203/365

SOMEWHERE SOMETIME
(for John, with love)
Word Count: 272

Today we thought we had lost you forever and our skin burned with tears, our eyes split open with pain. Then we looked closer and deeper, farther behind and ahead.

Somewhere we’ll hear a fiddle prancing through a sparkling summer night and think of you. Orange Blossom Special and Flop-Eared Mule like you played at our wedding and some Willie you played just for me.

Sometime we’ll see a cool dude on a motorcycle cruising on gray ribbons of road, not a hair spiked out of place by the wind, shades hitting bugs flying the wrong way down the trail.

Somewhere we’ll hear the guitar wailing wild and rocking the walls. We’ll feel the room shake, watch the dancers you played with like puppets attached to your strings.

Sometime we’ll be splashed by the ocean, inhale its salt scent in the breeze, hear the wash and pull of the tide,  the crash of the waves. You’ll be burning brown in the sand under the sun, the heat feeding your Summertime soul.

Somewhere we’ll see a man and his wife tasting the latest, the best, dipping their hands in the good things of life and of love, the simplest things of the heart. And there, a father and son just hanging together, needing no more than that to be happy. A brother so different, so talented, so on his own path yet a rock-hard foundation of family. Images embedded in time.

And though this time you didn’t squeeze my hand back, and didn’t feel the touch of my kiss on your forehead, it’s okay; we’ll still remember somewhere and sometime forever.

Posted in 100 Days 2011, Psychological Realism | Tagged | 6 Comments