It’s something that the holidays bring reflection upon, family and friendship. But friendship is something I’ve been dwelling upon almost daily for quite a while now, as friends are lost through death, misunderstanding, and the worst culprit of all, time.
Friendship means different things to different people, but I think we all tend to categorize friends in different levels from acquaintances whom we like a lot but seldom see, to those who know us to a depth that may even be more accurate than our own perception of who we are. I have been lucky in life to have had many friends in the upper strata of closeness, but basically am more geared towards one or two so-named best friends that have traveled the years with me as life changes our circumstances and our souls. These people are female, and I think its just a natural gravitation because despite my almost anti-feministic view of gender differences, biology has proven me wrong in evidencing physical differences within the mind as well as body.
But the interesting thing I reflect upon is that in the next level of personal closeness and understanding, there reside a larger majority of men. I don’t think that I was pulled in this direction merely in response to negative stereotyping of certain feminine traits, but rather from an admiration of some of the thought processes of the male mind that drew me to them in other than normal sexual longing. There are physiological gender differences that are just as influential as environment and social pressures. In the era in which I was raised, stereotyping individuals as homosexual was common and adversely recognized. Once this barrier was lifted with free-thinking and acceptance instead of mere tolerance, and with the self-confidence that comes with maturity (or more often a “who cares what anyone thinks” attitude), I felt freer to admit that I shared some of the finer points of the masculine ways of thinking. I believe this was as much a studied and learned process as any possible chemical imbalance, as I luckily hold true to my sisters in just as many of their own finer and not so fine tendencies.
Disclaimer: I have only some decades of experience with a limited amount of humanity and reading on psychology of gender, so I do not claim any of the above as gospel. Heck, even I can argue some of the points. But the basic thrust is that I understand and like men, and deeply value their friendship.
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology