Never checked out The Onion before, simply thinking it was another political scream, but did look at the site this evening and there, on the front page, was my soulmate:
Man Stays Up All Night Procrastinating
FLAGSTAFF, AZ—Bank manager Ron Bogen, 29, worked into the wee hours of the morning not writing his speech for the semi-annual Compass Bank Best Practices Conference Tuesday.
Even driving home tonight I had a hard time stopping the car. If it wasn’t dark, and the banks were open (I haven’t used an ATM in twenty years since Tabby the Timeless Teller ate my card because I was too short to see the directions), and it’s supposed to start snowing and sleeting in a few hours, and if I weren’t tied down to the love of my life…well, I mighta kept going.
I really need my computer, a desk and chair, and a cabin in the woods. I need to think and to not think of laundry and suppers and assignments and picture frames and bills and shovelling snow. Up at the cabin, I wouldn’t have to shovel cause I wouldn’t come back home until maybe July or August. And then, it’d just be to buy a boat and trailer hitch, or maybe just a kayak.
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology