REALITY?: Insurance Coverage

Simply cannot let this one get by without sharing it with you, and you all know how much respect and admiration I have for the insurance industry:

MEDICAL INSURANCE EXPLAINED

Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, “HEY
MOE.” Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe
of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient
could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was
poked hard enough in the eye.

(This is well worth reading further for a few laughs.)

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor
I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your
parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book
listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors
basically fall into two categories–those who are no
longer accepting new patients, and those who will see
you but are no longer participating in the plan. But
don’t worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the
plan and accepting new patients has an office just a
half-day’s drive away and a diploma from a third world country.

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Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

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Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don’t require any treatment.

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Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You’ll need to find alternative forms of payment.

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Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I
need the name brand. I tried the generic medication,
but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

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Q. What if I’m away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn’t do that.

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Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor
insists he can handle my problem. Can a general
practitioner really perform a heart transplant right
in his/her office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you’re risking
is the $20 co-payment, there’s no harm in giving it a shot.

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Q. Will health care be different in the next century?

A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by
then.