This is interesting, and certainly nothing I’m proud of, but I believe I scare people.
My mood of late has undoubtedly been somber, beset by threatening clouds that have hung over my head for months and blocked the few healing rays of sunshine that human beings can find to brighten up even the most troubling events. But I am not normally a jovial person anyway, so I wouldn’t have thought that not smiling through a framing session would be revealing. A couple customers have reluctantly admitted that they didn’t call about their work being ready because they didn’t want to rush or bother me. This is not acceptable in a professional atmosphere.
Hiding is hard, but preferable to making people uneasy, so I’ll necessarily work on my shell of outer self and reconstruct a bit. I’ve never felt intimidating in my life, yet I have been told that I am strong in relationships, often too strong for lovers who have gone their way long ago. I’ve always been amazed by this perception, thought a bit about it and not being able to reconcile it with my own, gave it up from further introspection.
Me? Scary?
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology
I’ve enjoyed the wisdom I’ve read in your posts and that inclines me to think that those who find you scary are themselves a little off.
Fear is self-generated. Some people are afraid of spiders, others find them fascinating–just an example, not comparing you to a spider (-: . The fear arises from holes in the individual’s own fabric. Your depth might be intimidating to someone who hasn’t given a great deal of thought to life.
On the other hand, perhaps your customers were just looking for warmth and mistook preoccupation for rejection.
But not so scary after people get to know you, right?
Wisdom? Thank you, Kathleen! That’s one I question quite a bit lately. I think that while the weblog is one place where I can be honest with even strangers, in face-to-face daily living I must try to get back to total honesty with friends, and less revealing with acquaintances or the public. It’s the way I used to be, but age and experience changes us.
And no, Denny; I’m afraid I get scarier the closer you get!
I don’t find you scary in the slightest. However, you can’t go by me. I never feel the same as most of those human-type people…
Jason }:)
I understand what you mean, Susan, “total honesty with friends and less revealing with acquaintances or strangers”. Selective self-disclosure is also good self-defense. It’s not necessary for acquaintances to know one’s inner thoughts.
For many years I worked in a high visibility position in a VERY conservative industry. I kept my ‘real’ life and thoughts private. Otherwise, my judgement might have been questioned because I was different.