Idle thought this morning, again about what makes a doer do, or in this case, a writer write. But it does apply to all areas of our lives, and our personalities.
Within an hour after accepting a compliment, I ran across an entry of mine while proofing something and it covered the tendencies these days to praise everyone equally to avoid hurt feelings to the point of not giving extra pats or awards for exceptional work. This is supposedly a motivator for those who would feel badly about themselves because they couldn’t quarterback a team. Well I won’t go into this area now because it can get sticky, but one aspect of it is the way people react to praise (rather than criticism, which is another whole story) and the background just is background here.
Personally, I live for praise. I’m one of those people who have a secret confidence in myself, but need it constantly validated by other people–not just anyone, for I’d rather trust my own instincts then, but people who are experts in the field, or whose opinion I value and trust to be honest.
On the flip side, I live for critique as well. Either input will get me working harder to surpass an accomplishment, or overcome the shame by doing better and fixing what was flawed. This is where my competitive spirit comes in, in trying to measure up to my own standards of what I know I am capable of doing. I try as well with others to give honest feedback always, whether it be an unsolicited "hey, that’s great!" or an opinion (when asked) if something’s not so great (unsolicited, I’ll merely make a face).
I guess what it comes down to, is to, while being honest with everyone, to be aware of the recipient’s feelings and if you can, understand what level they are at with their ego and receptivity. Some folks, when praised for work in progress, screech to a halt and take it as a final word, unwilling to put in more effort to improve. Others may have such low self esteem that they don’t even offer themselves open to review (or for just the opposite reason, feeling their own opinion of themselves is the only thing that matters) and must be coaxed.
It’s a world of different people out there, and I like learning about them psychologically; what motivates them, what makes them run.
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology