Rearranging the office, cleaning out things just piled up and in drawers. Stories behind finds that I thought were long gone: Six written pages written eighteen years ago on the end of a love affair that lived only six years and five years too long; a large black and white professional nude portrait of me taken longer, much longer ago; the novel I wrote in three months, six years ago; and software, unused, CAD 3-D, Treasure Hunt, Mathematics, Construction Estimator, Flight Simulator 2000.
Things that stayed in place in time while I moved on and away. I throw away the six written pages, the story has changed in my mind.
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology
Nude?!?!
Any chance of a post, bad girl?
}:)
Cripes, you never read this, why couldn’t you have missed this one?!?!?
No, that’d be considered porn, though it’s artistically done (for an ad agency) and I was 23 at the time. And had a couple glasses of wine in me. But I did make $75 for the hour.
Oh, poo! Gimme!!!
lol
As far as your story goes, besides my usual thing about your passive voice, I didn’t have many problems with it. Some of the people get introed or named pretty abruptly, which caused me some confusion. And I need more depth to the daughters to really get a feel for it.
Jason
No, and thank you.
You’ve never mentioned the passive voice before, and so I’m looking more closely at that. The few who reviewed it also mentioned that the daughters need some building up, as well as too many characters being used and tossed without meaning. Thanks; you know your input is always valuable to me.
I never mentioned it?
Weird…I just mean the tendancy you have to soften your language. So that:
“He is” becomes “He may have thought about being sometime” lol
Obviously not that extreme, but you feel me?
}:)
Yes, I see it. It’s not the use of grammatically passive verbs as much as trepidation in voice; a reticence to commit to story perhaps. Thanks! It seems whenever I overcome one bad habit, I focus on perfecting a new one!