We had had an excellent discussion about Molly’s story Devotion on Wednesday night, and it brought up the question of using multiple point of view. I happen to really like it, though in many ways it can be considered a copout when using character’s thoughts instead of actions as a source of information. This seems to go back to a show don’t tell problem.
When there are only two main characters in a story and we only see it from one’s pov (even in third person pov) then it indeed is that character’s story. If we’re allowed third person multiple or omniscient, then the interaction becomes more intricate and each character must be more closely observed to be believed or win sympathy. In Molly’s story, the two characters were both female so the she and her were more difficult to overcome in the reading. Separation by paragraph, white space where necessary, and careful adherence to follow through: if one character’s thoughts or perception is being displayed, then that character should be the focus of the prior sentence/s to flow properly without confusion or indiscriminate jumping into heads.
Usually the character’s thoughts will give us an idea of attitude, though again, it might be less obvious–though more difficult to project–via actions. Here’s an example from Horseman, a story by Richard Russo included in the BASS
"The grant came through" he told her, nudging Marcus gently. "Move over sport. Let’s make room for Mom. She looks like she’s had a rough day." And she’s late, was what he didn’t say. Late coming home on a day when she might have been expected to return early.
"That’s okay," she told him. I’m going to change. Which grant? How much?"
"The Contemporary Art Institute. Seventy-five K. They’re over the moon."
"They should be. Congratulations." And how much did you get? she thought. Why do you let these people take advantage of you, working for peanuts, making them look good? (p. 357)
Obviously there is tension between the stay-at-home Dad and the wage-earning Mom. It’s an old story as is the dancing around and the resentment that grows from not verbalizing. I’m not so sure that this jump into the husband’s head was so necessary, seventeen pages into a twenty-four page story for the first time here.
In this particular story there’s also a switch to italicized sections that separated out a more pov introspective thought of the woman–though it often encompasses a scenario that fits in the linear timeline and need not have been separated out at all to my thinking.
Guess what this comes down to is that omniscient third person pov is tricky to carry off successfully and it’s not just a warning to new writers, but to the more experienced as well to use it as a tool, but not as a substitute for clearer more imaginative writing.
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology
I just read some chapters for a friend and I’m coming to believe that as simple as the idea of deciding whose story you’re telling is, many beginning writers (myself included) initially have trouble with head-hopping. This is within the context of novel writing, so within a short story, the rules are different. My friend had changed POV multiple times in one chapter and had given POV to three separate characters within scenes and even within paragraphs. She was not aware she’d done it, which was the first problem — now she can decide if she really intends to do it or not. As a novice writer, I find that using multiple POV is much more difficult to manage than it first appears. Most (not all) readers don’t like it when we head-hop without clearly transitioning, usually via separate chapters and at a minimum — as you said, with white space between scenes. In another WIP that I’ve temporarily set aside, I have two characters and originally intended to alternate their POV via chapters. This quickly got tricky because now there is a burden on the structure of the story to lend itself to that kind of alternating POV. Sorry to ramble, but in this beginning writer’s humble opinion, pulling off MPOV is VERY tricky.
It is tricky, but when carried off, it’s a joy to read.
I think that one of the ways we can learn the intricacy of dealing with it is by reading it. It’s rare though, and that’s why I took advantage of what I just ran into in my reading. One of the biggest complaints of new writers and writing critique groups is “you can’t do that” and they jump all over the writer for switching pov. But there’s no rule that says you can’t do it–and the problem with writing groups sometimes is that they’re stuck on rules and don’t see that when a rule is broken well, it’s amazing.
Oh, I agree completely! My anecdote was about someone who was breaking the rule without realizing it and consequently, not doing it well. My advice to her was that it was okay to do it, but if you do it, do it with intention and purpose.