Just as Sabrina’s decision to leave Franz brought her a freedom and lightness that proved a burden more unbearable than the weight of a relationship, Tereza’s attitude towards infidelity changes her dreams and her perception of freedom.
The man raised his rifle.
Tereza felt her courage slipping away. Her weakness drove her to despair, but she could do nothing to counteract it. "But it wasn’t my choice," she said.
He immediately lowered the barrel of his rifle and said in a gentle voice, "If it wasn’t your choice, we can’t do it. We haven’t the right." (p. 150)
Early in their relationship, Tereza’s dreams reflected her despair over Tomas’ infidelities; indeed, the man who aimed the weapon was Tomas, and the others with her were all women and naked. In this dream, years later into their relationship, Tereza is the only female among four victims, there are three more men who are the executioners, and Tomas is left at the bottom of a hill she has ascended to get to this place–where, oh yeah, she gets to remain dressed.
But the important change is this: "But it wasn’t my choice," she said.
In the dream, Tereza originally claims that it is her choice to be executed, though it appears more out of letting down Tomas than her own clear choice. And when it comes down to the moment before her own execution–after the other three male victims have been shot–she stands up for herself. This is a switch in control of the relationship; Tereza daring to defy Tomas’ wishes. But even as she returns home to him (in the dream), she is afraid to face him.
It is the control of the relationship that is the lightness or weightiness that is at question here for Tereza. The burden she claims to carry which weighs on her, that is, the knowledge of his infidelity and attitude towards love and lovemaking, may in fact be the opposite; the freedom of not having to make that decision. Yet she is about to test that theory as she flirts with the notion of indiscretions of her own.
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology