In editing today I found that I’m as guilty of the telling vs. showing as the worst of ’em, and in a rather odd way that I can only describe as copping out.
Here’s a sentence:
There was something magically content in the space that surrounded us and I felt changed in some way, though I couldn’t say how.
Yeah, first person pov feelings sort of need the explanation of telling rather than the guesswork that third person allows, but this sentence, which is sort of vital to the story, fell really flat. A bit better:
There was something magically content in the space that surrounded us and I felt changed in some way. Happier maybe. Hopeful.
But I’m getting sick of this story too and I think it’s time to move on. Or maybe one or two more read-throughs. One thing I’ve found with the online submissions that thankfully so many more literary journals are subscribing to, is that I tend to send something out impulsively. A day goes by and the story’s been through another few revisions and is happier for them. Which makes you want to pull out the crappy version you’ve submitted. Some allow withdrawal, but since the story still shows up in the account, how many times can a writer do this without looking like a real flake?
I know: New title.
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology