<em>The Sound Machine:</em> The premise is wonderful: a weird, geeky type building a machine to hear what’s beyond human range. The structure is excellent, opening with the action of Klausner going out to his shed to work on it. Moving to dialogue that tells us more about the protagonist as well as what he is doing as his doctor drops in on him as he works. And little by little, we follow him as he tries it out, and hears–a rose being cut! His excitement builds, and the natural inclination to go further, and we follow along:
He put the earphones on his head and switched on the machine. He listened for a moment to the faint humming sound; then he picked up the axe, took a stance with his legs apart, and swung the axe as hard as he could at the base of the tree trunk. The blade cut deep into the wood and stuck there, and at the instant of impact he heard a most extraordinary noise in the earphones. It as new noise, unlike any he had heard before (…)
With his fingers he touched the gash, trying to press them together to close the wound, and he kept saying, "Tree…oh, tree…I am sorry…I am so sorry…but it will heal…It will heal fine…" (p. 78)
The simplest yet strangest of wonderings turns into a thing that can haunt.
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology
this story is really bad!!
I’m not sure why you would say that–the writing is good, and the tension is there. What do you feel is missing?