I don’t seem to have control lately, but I’ve found a friend in Edgar. Patiently he waited, watching me work, helpless and floundering in my efforts. Single-minded focused on one thing only, I am prey and he is predator. He understands the dark and knows the secret passages that lead inside the soul. In his grip I listen to Willie sing Kristofferson, the music couldn’t be more effective for the purpose than if it were blues and bible. The music is heard from within yourself, you close your eyes and sing words that you didn’t know you knew but find yourself singing along while tears roll down to land on the clothes that only superficially cover your heart. “Old Shep” and “Daddy’s Little Girl” used to be the only ones with this power over me. There must be a crack somewhere, for now so many more get through. Sharing CD space with “Help Me Make It Through The Night” and “You Show Me Yours (And I’ll Show You Mine)”, is this, from “Why Me”:
Lord help me, Jesus
I’ve wasted it
So help me Jesus
I know what I am.
Now that I know that
I needed you
So help me Jesus
My soul’s in your hand.
I have to trust them, because as Edgar says, I can’t trust myself right now. The five of us go exploring deep and downward, facing devils and the Father to seek the light that burns to cool and comfort fever.
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology