God knows, there have been enough studies done on determining the mental makeup of the blogging personality, but I’m still naturally torn on the issue. Two things brought up this new problem for me to ponder when I get bored with agonizing over any of the others. First, a decision to post some of my work and thus give access to those of you who read Spinning, and who may even have developed a slight attachment or liking to me or my writing—something that I’ve noticed while reading some of yours, and how a friendship of sorts establishes itself. And secondly, so many people are spilling their guts on weblogs and many truly believe that their writing is phenomenal (witness Worst Verse, from an earlier post). And here’s the worry—am I one of them?
One of my biggest fears in this life is not death, not heartache or loss, but of feeling ignorant. Not foolish; I can handle foolish pretty well after all these years of experimenting. But ignorant, truly thinking I’ve either got something or know something when in truth, people are sadly shaking their heads in pity. I’m hopeful that it hasn’t happened too often, but then I’m not a talker. I usually know and can manage to keep my thoughts from escaping out my mouth in conversation. But here, on a weblog, typing, I’m as free with my thoughts as I am in creating stories. There’s nothing like a pair of lips to stop the flow to the fingers. It’s coming out right now in fact.
At least I was smart enough to label this post Part I, because this is going to be another subject I’d like to analyze a little more. That is one of the best side effects of a weblog—your words are right there, staring you in the face, no wheedling out of them, so you go on from there towards a solution.
I like that sense of honesty.
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology
I consider myself very discriminating when it comes to what I read, but am by no means an expert. I enjoy reading your blog, learning about who you are and listening as the voice inside you grows. You’re right when you say that friendship develop from blog associations. I consider many of the readers that visit and comment on my blog, friends.
I’ve always thought that to be self-aware on an issues, provides the power of mastery. You appear to be conscious of your need not to appear ignorant, therefore I doubt that you ever are – I’ve certainly never witnessed it here on your blog. Just keep blogging, who cares what anyone else thinks anyway. It’s your space and your dime. ::smile::
Lauren
Oh yes … I agree with Lauren – your posts are thoughtful and intelligent – examining how you feel. Besides – we should be allowed to express our opinions and well anything on our own weblog without fear. I’m with you on the friendship aspect of blogging as well …. I enjoy the personal side of it and feel connected to the writers of the blogs I read regularly – I know in some cases we put things on our blog that we may not even talk to our friends or family about. This medium offers a surprising amount of support. I try to leave comments too – I don’t always – sometimes I’m too tired to think of something that seems meaningful to me – I love to get comments though and appreciate every single one I get. So, thank you for every one you’ve left for me and I hope you never feel shy about leaving them.
Thanks, ladies. I truly enjoy running around the web and reading the great stories that you weave and leave for us all.
Although sometimes it does seem awkward to know when and when not to comment–similar to a conversation that runs out of steam–I think we all are getting the hang of it. There will be plenty of times ahead of us to stay in touch with our posts because life offers something interesting, amusing, and all the rest on a fairly regular basis!
One good sign that you’re NOT one of those terrible writers who think they’re phenomenal, is the fact that you raise the question in the first place. In this case, your neurosis (a.k.a. Inner Critic) is a good thing.
I think you got it right–it’s neurosis! Do we all vacillate constantly between thinking we’re great and we truly suck big time?