Word Count: 340
There’s a line of cocaine on my dresser, left over from Saturday night. I walk through the bedroom picking up laundry. I always do laundry on Tuesdays.
Since he left I don’t have to vacuum and dust except maybe when company visits. The last time somebody came by was sometimes around Christmas. Looks like the last time I did laundry might have been around then too. I’m out of underwear and it doesn’t dry quickly when washed in the sink. I think that’s how I got this rash; from damp panties.
Once upon a time I had a husband and baby. Back when I had my own home. Then he left and I lost the baby to a system that just doesn’t understand how hard it can be. He turned the house over to me and I lost it. But I always found dollars for drugs.
I don’t care what you think. I don’t care that you may look down on me, find me weak-willed and wanting. I’ve been beaten down too badly to even look up to see that smirk on your face. You didn’t expect much more of me, did you? You really didn’t think I could make it on my own? Hold onto my job and pay daycare as well? No, I didn’t do coke in the goods times but you can believe whatever you want.
It took a few years to give up completely. To quit fighting, take the easy way out. Somewhere I thought I’d won it all back in a card game but I wasn’t holding all the right cards.
I believe in Jesus. I believe He’s my savior. I believe He’s got some sort of plans He’s not letting me know what they are. I just need to get through this one lifetime. Then I’ll be ready to go.
Meanwhile, I suck up that snow on the dresser. It’s the last good stuff that I got. Things look better for a little while because I don’t know yet that now everything’s gone.
